Try, try again?

Photo credit: Anna Carr
(Photo credit: Anna Carr)

try bike
doesn’t fit
try bike
doesn’t fit
try bike
sleep

try bike
fits
and i ride away free

but the screws aren’t fitting either
they haven’t fit for years
and I wonder why I try at all
why I continue to go to the hardware store
continue to have hope
that some day, I’ll find them

I ask a question
the world opens up

I ask a question
the iron gate comes down
closing all possibilities
of further conversation

“but can we talk??”
“I don’t think I can talk about it right now,
actually – I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to talk about it.”

try bike
doesn’t fit
try bike
doesn’t fit
try bike
fits
and I ride away free.

Enraged

I want to hurl this cup against the wall
Ceramic explosion
Warm milky liquid flying through the air
Finally expressing what is trapped within me

I know who I am
And I deserve better
They deserve better
We deserve better

And I want to hurl myself off a cliff
Dive into the ocean
Just to feel the saltiness

To be floated and held
forever.